The Shoplifter

I used to hang out with a very famous comedian. As in everybody in the country knew who he was. I'll leave his identity there for reasons that will shortly become apparent. One weekend, he came out to the beach and we happened to go over to my local market, which was about five minutes away from my house and where I was well known to the employees. Well, what do you know, Mr. Famous, Mr. Everybody In the Country Knows Who You Are, shoplifts a pack of cigarette papers!! I don't find out about it until we get outside and then, turning slightly purple with rage, I say "What the hell were you thinking! This is my local market! Plus, the Sherriff's station is only about a hundred yards from here!" He laughed and said, "When I was growing up, I knew was either going to steal laughs or steal jewelry." Wow. No wonder they say comedians are screwed up.